The Man in the Corner (Part1)

Always in the corner of the coffeshop where I'm a waiter, he sat.  Sipping cider.  Seeing.  Senses serene.  I liked lingering.  Listening.  Asking him for wisdom.  He freely gave it.  Especially today.

I don't know if she's the one.
It's hard to tell based on your relationship so far.
Exactly.
What makes it hard?
I don't know.  In some ways I'm attracted to her.  In others, she's somewhat annoying.
Like someone you couldn't see yourself living with.
Or being good friends with.
But she's attractive.
Very.
How attractive?
I can't take my eyes off of her.
She entrances you.
Her face.  Her voice.  Her hands.  I can't keep my eyes or hands off of her.
How does she feel about you?
I don't know.
If you had to guess.
She lets me gaze at her, touch her, admire her.
She seems to like you liking her.
It seems like it.
And how does she show that she likes you?
She gazes back, touches me back, returns my affection.
So the affection is mutual.
Very.
What about the conversation?
I like to laugh with her.  She's hilarious.
She's fun to be around.
Very much so.
What annoys you?
I think it's that we don't talk about deep things.  She's too fun loving.
And you want depth?
I need it.
And she doesn't.
That's the thing.  I don't know. 
You're very honest about not knowing things.
Thank you.  What do you think I should do?
What do you do when you need to know something?
I find out.
How?
I look it up on line, or ask people who know things...like I'm doing with you.
Who would know things about her?
She would, of course.
Of course.
Yeah.  I guess I should just tell her what I'm feeling. 
Let me know how it goes.
I will.  Thank you for listening.
You're welcome.  Thank you for sharing yourself with me.

How YOU make a difference in someone's life

"Love never fails."  The Apostle Paul to the Corinthian Church


Who really loves you?  Whoever he is, he makes a difference in your life.  Whoever she is makes your life worth living.

You make a difference in the life of someone you really love. 

You make someone's life worth living by really living them.

Your genuine love never fails to change someone's life.  How do I know?  Because you're making a difference in my life by simply reading my words.  Out of all the things you could be doing right now, you're listening to me, giving me your attention.  And out of all the things I could be doing right now, I'm talking to you, giving you my undivided attention.  So by writing to you, the one reading my words right now, I'm loving you.  And by you reading my words, you are loving me.  My love is making a difference in your life because you could be doing something different right now.  Before you read my words, a blogger wasn't telling you that he's writing to directly to you because he loves you.  Now you are, and it's making a difference; it feels good to love and to be loved.  But what if you don't really feel loved right now?

Feel loved by me.

I genuinely love you.

"How can you say you love me when you don't know me?" you may ask.
"Because I feel loved by you for simply giving me your time and attention."
"I'm not really 'loving you,' I'm just reading a blog.  Love is far too strong a word," you may respond.


"Maybe it is for you, but not for me.  I do love you.  That's why I'm writing to you, specifically to you, the one who is reading.  I'm writing as if we are face to face, and I'm sharing my thoughts and feelings with you in words.  Now you can accept or reject my love, but it doesn't change the way I feel about you."


"Maybe you're some lonely stalker blogger desperate for someone to love you," someone says to me.
"Or maybe you're just as lonely as you think I am," I could respond.


What difference does it make whether I'm lonely or you're lonely, whether I'm desperate or you're desperate?  As the apostle Paul said to the Corinthian church, "Love never fails," so love always makes a difference to the one being loved.  Is it wrong for me to love you?  Would you rather me stop?  I won't because I can't, so you've just got to accept or reject it.  But know this, I'm making a difference in your life whether you accept or reject my love, and you are making a difference in my life by simply reading my words, whether I ever meet you or not.


I love you.
My love makes a difference to you.
Your love makes a difference to the one you love.

How God Took Away My Worst Fears (Part 1)

"Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil—  and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death."  Hebrews 2:14-15


I never really feared death.  Especially after believing in Jesus.  I thought about all of the gruesome and painful ways I could die for my faith in him, and asked Jesus to help me not be like Peter.  I didn't want to think I was ready to die for Him when I really wasn't. So the best I could do was to assume I wasn't ready, and ask Jesus to make me ready to die for Him in whatever way would bring Him glory.  So I felt peace about my own death.  But something happened.


I got married and had 7 children.


When I thought of my precious wife dying, or any of my dearest children leaving this world, I would feel so much anxiety and dread that I thought I couldn't bear it, even the thought of it. 

My worst fears were of the death of my wife and children. 

The Word of God took away my worst fears.

The first death recorded in the word of God is of Abel, killed in cold blood by his evil brother Cain.  All of my fears about losing my wife and children had to be found here, in the first death in scripture.  My fears of losing them suddenly, randomly, meaninglessly.  My fear of not being able to say good bye, or simply of losing them before their time.  The fear of them suffering in pain.  The fear of not knowing they were going to die.  The fear of not wanting them to die before me.  Everything that made the thought of their deaths unbearably painful to me had to "explained" in the first death in scripture.  This is how God did it for me.

First, Abel's death was neither random nor purposeless.  Even from Cain's perspective, it was "premeditated." But Cain's perspective is not the issue.  It's God's perspective, because He is the one that took away my worst fears.  God was actively watching the lives of Cain and Abel.  He was very pleased with Abel, and displeased with Cain.  God honored Abel's sacrifice, his life's work, his purpose and calling on earth.  But Cain didn't please God with what God gave him. So Cain was mad at God and took out his anger towards God in his jealously of Abel. You know what happens next.  But focus on the word of God.  Focus on what God says about Abel:

• The Lord said, “What have you done? Listen! Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground.  Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand.  Genesis 4:10-11
• By faith Abel brought God a better offering than Cain did. By faith he was commended as righteous, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith Abel still speaks, even though he is dead.  Hebrews 11:4
• Therefore this generation will be held responsible for the blood of all the prophets that has been shed since the beginning of the world, from the blood of Abel to the blood of Zechariah, who was killed between the altar and the sanctuary. Yes, I tell you, this generation will be held responsible for it all. Luke 11:50-51
• You have come to God, the Judge of all, to the spirits of the righteous made perfect,  to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.  Hebrews 12:23-24
• Do not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own actions were evil and his brother's were righteous. 1 John 3:12

In God's eyes, Abel's death was far from random and meaningless.  Abel was the very first martyr, the first to die for being righteous in God's eyes.  The first to be persecuted and hated for doing God's will.  How did this take away my worst fears, the deaths of my wife and children?
(click HERE to find out.)

Meeting with God: What I learned from Salli and Lucy

Now Moses used to take a tent and pitch it outside the camp some distance away, calling it the "tent of meeting."  Anyone inquiring of the LORD would go to the tent of meeting outside the camp.  Exodus 33:7

SALLI
I had a date, a meeting with Salli.  I went to the lower level of Rick's Bar in Key West, where the pizza restaurant is.  I sat at a table...and waited.  I didn't have a book or a cell phone or ipad.  I didn't order any food.  I just sat...waiting for Salli.  That's why I was there.  It was obvious I was waiting for someone who may or may not show up.  She did...finally...with her dog.  Now it occurred to me that anyone watching her would not have known obviously that she was coming to see me.  If I was there, and she happened to pass by....while walking her dog...great!  But if I DIDN'T SHOW UP, oh well....Salli was just out...walking her dog.

LUCY
I had a date, a meeting with Lucy.  I stood by the pole right in front of Denny's on Duval Street in Key West.  I stood...and waited.  I didn't have a book, or a cell phone...or a dog. I just stood there, obviously waiting for Lucy, who may or may not show up.  She did, with no dog or cell phone conversation she interrupts to talk to me, whom she just "happened" to see at Denny's.  I was waiting for Lucy.  Lucy was coming to see me.  It was obvious.  Perhaps not as obvious with Lucy...after all, who knows why she was walking towards Denny's.  But it became obvious when she saw me and I saw her.  We planned to meet with each other.  This was our only and obvious purpose.
(click HERE for part 2)

5 Things EVERY Good Husband and Father Should Be

What do you want to be as a husband and father?

What are you looking for in a husband or father?



Seek to be, or find, these fives things in 1 Chronicles 7:40

"All these were descendants of Asher—heads of families, choice men, brave warriors and outstanding leaders. The number of men ready for battle, as listed in their genealogy, was 26,000. "

GOOD HUSBANDS AND FATHERS ARE "HEADS OF FAMILIES."
The Bible says God is the head of Christ, Christ is the head of the man, and the man is the head of the woman.  (1 Corinthians 11:3)  For good husbands this is a given. He may accept or reject it, but to deny it is to deny God Himself. 

GOOD HUSBANDS AND FATHERS ARE "CHOICE MEN."
A "choice man" is more striking than anyone else in his family, standing out more than anyone else, more distinct than anyone else. Think of  the man's beard like a lion's mane, or his gray beard like the silver back gorilla.  He is physically distinct by God's design, and spiritually distinct by Christ likeness.

GOOD HUSBANDS AND FATHERS ARE "BRAVE WARRIORS."
Not just warriors, they are brave warriors. They boldly defend their territory, proactively seeking and removing danger.  I'll say more about this later.

GOOD HUSBANDS AND FATHERS ARE "OUTSTANDING LEADERS."
Not just leaders, outstanding leaders.  As "choice men," they stand out in their family by Christlikeness.  They follow the principles of Christ like leadership that Jesus gave to the 12 apostles:

Whoever wishes to be great among you must be a servant. Whoever wishes to be first must be a slave of all.

They are the most self sacrificing.  As Christ on the cross gave more of Himself than any else in all eternity, the outstanding leader lays down his life for his family.

GOOD HUSBANDS AND FATHERS ARE "READY FOR BATTLE."
As brave warriors, they are "prepared for war," prepared to stop anyone who violates the God given boundaries of their families.  They have spiritual weapons to resist Satan, self control to resist attacks of the heart, and physical weapons of self-defense against physical attacks against their families.

What do you want to become as a husband and father?
What do you want to find in a husband and father?

If you become or find these five things, you will have found the very picture of Christ Himself.

The Source of Everything You Do (And How to Impact It!) Part 3

If you will be like the teacher that I wrote about in Part 2 and guard your will against boundary breaches like the student who came to his house uninvited, you will discover the source of all your God given power, and you will change your life starting now. 

Jesus Himself said these words,
"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me."  Revelation 3:20

Jesus, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, to whom God the Father gave all authority in heaven and on earth, doesn't just barge into our houses, though He could.





Or He could just use His key, like house keeping does in some apartments when they do maintenance.  They just come right on in. But not God.  Even God respects the freedom of your heart enough to knock and wait for you to invite Him in.  If God does this, so should every one else in your life, and so should you in everyone else's life.

By respecting the boundaries of God's supreme will, and by respecting the boundaries of your will and the will of people, you will find the source of everything you do, of every relationship.  The only will you absolutely always resist is Satan's will.  And the only will you absolutely always submit to is God's.  Knowing these two things alone, who to always submit to and always resist, gives you enough power to relate to any and every one, any and every situation, making you a powerful person.

• The source of everything you do is your heart! 
• You impact it by guarding it!

Above all else, GUARD YOUR HEART!

 

The Definition of Sin (And How to Overcome It)

"Whosoever commits sin also transgresses the law of God:

for sin is the transgression of the law of God."  1 John 3:4

What is sin?
TRANSGRESSION

What is being transgressed?
GOD'S LAW

What is God's law?
GOD'S WILL.

So sin is ultimately when we don't respect boundaries.

We supremely dishonor the  boundaries of the Creator.

We dishonor the boundaries of His creatures.

 

Think of the first two  of the 10 Commandments, God's law, God's will for us:



1.  I am the Lord your God who brought you out of Egypt.  You shall have no other gods before me. 

The boundary:  God's Unique Identity.

2.  You shall not make graven images to worship them.

The boundary:  God's Unique Qualities

 

When God created the heavens and the earth, He distinguished, categorized, named, and separated some creations from other creations. 

• Light from darkness.  Day from night.
• The waters above (clouds) from the waters below (seas)
• The land, called earth, separated from waters, called seas.
• The greater light to govern the day (the sun) from the lesser lights governing the night (moon and stars)

To disregard God's supreme distinction is sin.

To disregard the distinctions in creation is sin.

We overcome sin by changing our minds, and thus our actions:  Repenting.

We stop thinking and acting like we are our own Creator and all creatures are subject to us, and we start thinking and acting according to the truth, since "we exchanged the truth for the lie and worshipped the creature instead of the Creator," according to scripture.

How do you feel when your unique feelings and perspectives are disregarded, treated as though insignificant, as though your unique existence makes no difference?  Remember how you and I have lived most of our lives treating God like exactly like this. 

Remember of how we've resisted the boundaries of our own identity.  We don't set limits, nor so we respect the limits of others.  We hate limits.  We want to be what we are not and do what we can not!  We want someone else's wife or boyfriend.  We want someone else's life or job.  We want to look like our favorite celebrity instead looking the way God made us to look.  We want any and everything except the life God gave us, or to be the person he made us to be.

But if we begin right now to accept what we are NOT, and what we ARE, by realizing who God is, and who God is not, we will overcome the essence of our sin in every situation: 

Boundary transgressions.

Choose to accept the boundaries of God in your life.
Say,

"God, you alone are God.  I am what you made me, nothing more or less.  I accept that everyone is yours, not mine, to be what you made them to be.  From now on, I will not cross the line of who you are, or who they are.  Nor will I allow anyone to overstep their boundaries with me."

• To overstep boundaries is the essence of sin.
• To over come sin, respect the Creator's boundaries supremely, and each of His creature's boundaries impartially.

(Image from phoenixajournal.wordpress.com)

 

The Three Levels of Following the Spirit (Part 2)

We tried to stay abstinent until marriage.
When I considered spending time alone with her, my conscience would give a resounding no.
When I listened, I felt intense peace, and my conscience became stronger.
When I ignored, I felt intense sorrow, and my conscience became weaker.

"We have to stop."
"I know.  What do we do."
"I'm moving out.  Until we get married, we can't be alone together."
"I know sweetie.  I'm with you and God no matter what.  I love you.
"I love you too.  Let's commit to be faithful to our conscience as we learn more from scripture."
"I will be faithful to my conscience, learning from the scripture, following the Spirit of Jesus."
"Amen."
"Amen."

From that day on, I listened to my conscience.  (So did my girlfriend.)
I failed once or twice since then, but felt such conviction that I immediately started over.
(The pastor called that "repentance.")

I came to see that I had to IMMEDIATELY obey my conscience, or immediately repent.

When I did this, my conscience became the most trustworthy guide I had in immediate situations.
I knew to love God and love my neighbor as I learned more specific scriptures.
When I didn't know a scripture beyond those two,  my conscience was more than true!

And the more faithful I was to my conscience, the more I knew the will of God!
At first my conscience was like a red light/green light sensation.
I would present things to God and get either a red light or green light.

But after some time, I started to experience GOD COMING TO ME with things.  He began to lead me instead of just permitting or prohibiting me.  I started to experience Him leading through my intuitions...(Read Part 3.  Click HERE.)

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us.
Acts 17:26-27

Whether you have a lot of friends or a few, you can feel alone in a room full of people, or in bed with one.  Alone with your thoughts and feelings.  Alone in your pain, or worse, in your joy.

So you go out.  You call someone.  You text someone else. 
He answers.
She responds.

The feeling is still there.
After you meet, greet, smile, and hug, what's in you is still yours...alone.

Who is really with you, feeling you, listening to you, all of the time?
One word comes to mind, but you're afraid to say it.
You're afraid it's cliché, and that my words will leave you feeling by yourself.

Consider this.
Do you feel alone while you're reading?

If not, then say the one word.
I'll ask again.
Who is really with YOU, the one reading my words; feeling you, listening to you, all of the time.

GOD.

How can you know?
It is written,

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." 
Psalms 34:18

The Spirit says again to you,
"The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." Psalms 145:18

If you are broken hearted and crushed in spirit, call on the LORD in truth. 
In total honesty.
Don't say what you think you're supposed to say, but what you really deeply feel.
I promise you, after you do, you won't feel alone.

You are not alone.

 

God is with you.

 

I am with you.

 

I love you.

The 3 BEST THINGS About BEING MARRIED

1. It's exactly what you're looking for (if you're not married.)
The constant companionship is very real and very fulfilling.

2.  It actually gets better every year!
I feel exactly the same bond I felt with my wife the first day we met.  Yet I also feel we've grown so deeply connected that I can no longer think of myself without thinking of Lucy.

3.  It is clearly a blessing from God, and blessed by God.
I KNOW that God is for marriage in general, and for my marriage specifically.  I've seen Him bring us through very difficult days, days so hard that it didn't seem like we'd make it.  But we did!  We always did.  And I KNOW it was God with us, helping us, guiding us.

• If you're not married and you want to be, know that what you want from marriage is exactly what it is!
• As God is for marriage, He is also for YOU GETTING MARRIED.
• When you do finally find the one for you, expect each year to get better and better!

You Possess THE POWER OF PEACE (Part 1)

Peace to you in the name of the Prince of Peace. “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God.” I am a child of God. I am a peace maker. So are you, if you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. If you don’t, do so right now. Accept the One who made peace between you and God. Say, “Jesus, I accept you.”

THE EASIEST WAY TO GET and Keep ATTENTION‏ (Part 2)

For the doubters and disbelievers: Imagine you’re in a crowded room. Any crowded room. Anywhere. Someone, ANYONE, comes in and says in a loud voice, “Everybody, listen to ME!” Would that get your attention? Don’t tell me it wouldn’t! I saw a dramatization of the comedian Eddie Murphy as a child. He came into the living room where all of his family was and said, “I have a joke to tell.” Everyone listened. He got and kept their attention. Who doesn’t like a good joke, especially from Eddie Murphy!? My wife told me about a mentally challenged woman who used to routinely say, “I have some good news for you! I have a boyfriend!” Good news. Jokes. Or whatever you find genuinely interesting. If it genuinely interests you, or better put, if it GENUINELY GOT AND KEPT YOUR ATTENTION, then ask for attention and share what captured and kept your focus! You don’t have to be Eddie Murphy. You don’t have to have a boyfriend! But if you’re reading, then you want undivided attention. The only condition to KEEPING ATTENTION is really having something to say. The only condition to GETTING ATTENTION is asking!

THE EASIEST WAY TO GET and Keep ATTENTION‏

"Ask, and it will be given to you." Jesus said this. And “it” means whatever you ask for. Therefore, the easiest way to get and keep attention is to simply ask for it! “May I have your attention please?” (A general announcement) “Alright stop what you’re doin’, cuz I’m about to ruin the image and the style that you’re used to!” (From Shock G’s song “The Humpty Dance) However you ask for it, ask boldly! Why? Well why not? You have something to say, right? You exist! God made you. From the time you were born, you cried out for attention, and you received it! Why? Well why not? You're here! Why shouldn’t I take notice? God does! So if you have something to say and someone to say it to, ask him for his undivided attention, and don’t speak until she gives it! Try it with me! Write me a comment, and see if I don’t respond! I’ll give your response my undivided attention! Thank you for yours.

How Unmarried Women Should Dress‏

The word of God says to treat older women as mothers and younger women as sisters with all purity. This means if a woman is not a man’s wife, he should see her as a mother or sister. Period. Which also means a woman should dress like a mother or sister, except for her husband. No exceptions. If a woman presents her body sexually to any man other than her husband, it’s like she’s presenting her body to her father or brothers, at best! Incest! Or, she is tempting adultery deliberately. She dresses to transgress. This should not be so.

How Do We Know Who To Trust? (Part 3)

The origin and motivation of our words and actions determine whether we rationalize sin. What we do and why we do it. I love my wife. This is genuine. God is the origin. Her happiness is mine. How do i know? Because the truth is obvious, and deception is when it is no longer obvious. For 12 years we’ve been together. Faithful. In sickenss and in health. But before 12 years there were 12 days, 12 minutes. I trusted her then. How and why? We know when a person lives by self centered motivation, the essence of sin. You know.

How Do We Know Who To Trust? (Part 2)

Evil is perverted good. This is why we can rationalize our evil. This is justification of evil intention. Even satan just wanted to be like God, and wanted the same for Eve. The key word in the last sentence is “just.” It assumes that “all we want” is…fill in the blank. "I just want to be sexually fulfilled/happy/etc." We imply that God is holding out on something He could easily give or fulfill. So we justify evil because in it is a perverted good. How do we avoid this? How can we be trustworthy? How do we stop rationalizing sin?

How Do We Know Who To Trust? (Part 1)

The thing about truth is when you hear it, you feel you’ve always known it. Even if it’s the first time you’ve heard it. One such truth is spoken by Jesus: “He who speaks from his own authority seeks his own glory, but he who seeks the glory of the one who sent him is true. There is nothing false about him.” In other words, we trust unselfish people. When He said it, we feel like we already knew it. So why say it? Because deception is when the obvious is no longer obvious. We know who we can trust.

How It Feels to CONVERSE WITH GOD

"...praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit..."  The Apostle Paul

Have you ever had someone try to finish your sentences?  If he doesn't know you well, and if she isn't good at connecting with you, he will be wrong 100% of the time, no matter how many times you correct her.

Have you ever had the rare experience when a good friend finishes your sentences, and gets them right!?  You feel connected.  Understood.  Heard.  Valued.

Have you ever had the even rarer experience of a best friend, not just finishing your sentences correctly, but adding an insight you needed, but didn't know you needed!? 

Perfect connection.  Perfect distinction.

God is our Supreme Friend!
Perfectly understanding us.
Perfectly distinct from us.

If you believe in the Lord Jesus, you experience this wonderful communion through prayer. 

It happens in two ways:
1.  Praying with absolute vulnerability.
2.  Listening for insights in prayer that you know aren't from you.

When you pray, be totally honest with God.  If you do this, you'll experience The Listening Ear of God, as it is written,

"The LORD is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth."

You will feel like Someone is giving you His undivided attention, like when a best friend gives you total eye contact with the cell phone turned off, as if you are the only one is his world.

But you must be totally honest with God to experience Him totally listening to you.

As you pray, you'll feel insights coming to you, and expressed through your mouth.  Insights you know aren't your own.  Like when your best friend finishes your sentences, and gives you something fresh and new. 

The fresh new insights are coming from the Spirit of God. 
Listening. 
Conversing. 
With you.

This is How It Feels to CONVERSE WITH GOD!

If you follow Christ, and you've experienced this, share it in the comments box.
If you haven't yet experienced it, try it!  Right now!  After you finish reading, talk to God with perfect honesty.  Then write in the comments box the experience of The Listening Ear of God, and of God's Spirit finishing your sentences.

Your comments will encourage me, as I hope I've encouraged you.

The 3 Things To BE (Or LOOK FOR) In GOOD HUSBANDS AND FATHERS (Part 2)

A true man is a servant. No one in the family gives more than him. This is the man’s supremacy: Humility. He supremely sacrifices himself, like Christ. In this way he seeks greatness, to be the head of his household. The man’s mood creates the atmosphere. He must be self-controlled when his children are unstable, and when his wife is in emotional turmoil. A man does have feelings, gently expressed. He controls his emotional intensity. He focuses his emotions, never using the power of his fierce feelings against his family, but against their enemies.

The 3 Things To BE (Or LOOK FOR) In GOOD HUSBANDS AND FATHERS (Part 1)

Good husbands and fathers are selfless, self-controlled, and gentle. Four scriptures show me this: 1. Exhort the young men to be self-controlled. 2. Husbands love your wives and do not be harsh towards them. 3. Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. 4. Whoever wishes to be great among you must be a servant, and whoever wishes to be first must be a slave of all. After almost 12 years of marriage and 10 years as a father, I know with certainty these three traits are necessary!