How to Raise Godly Children (Part 3)

So how do you do it?

1.       “BE QUIET!”  Yes.  You!  Stop talking.  Don’t say anything for a set duration before discipline, as it is written, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger, because the anger of man does not result in the righteousness of God.”  James 1:19-20  It doesn’t say “Don’t get angry.”  But be slow to anger.  The Bible doesn’t say, “Don’t express anger,” but instead it says, “Be angry, but do not sin.” Ephesians 4:26  The best way to do this is to set a specific limit on your mouth before you speak. Like the whole “count to 10,” thing.  For you, you may need to count to 5, if that’s the longest.  But this counting and waiting will make a difference.  But before you can be quiet you must…

2.       PRACTICE BEFORE THE SITUATION HAPPENS!  As it is also written, “He who practices righteousness is righteous, just as He is righteous.” 1 John 3:7  Your brain, according to “research” doesn’t know the difference between a real situation and imagined one!  This is why you can make yourself angry RIGHT NOW if you wanted to just by imagining something or someone that makes you angry!  Or you can cry.  Or you can arouse yourself in whatever way you want.  The same is true for self-discipline.  The best way to practice this quietness is to imagine past scenarios where you wished you had been quiet!  Reimagine them, but in your mind be quiet.  After practicing quietness, practice a rehearsed response.  You know how to do that!  You’ve rehearsed arguments enough to know what I mean!  Instead of rehearsing an argument, or angry words, rehearse gentle words.  Rehearse gentle self-control.

Alright.  Those two things are for your self-discipline.  EMBRACE THE PAIN OF THIS PRACTICE BEFORE SITUATIONS HAPPEN. 

Now for your children.

You and your wife or husband MUST AGREE on how to discipline!  MUST!  If you’re fighting in front of the children about how to discipline them, how effective is that going to be?  Or if they know one of you is for spanking and the other is against it, what do you think they are going to do.

DECIDE BEFORE DISCIPLINE.

You know the primary principles of discipline:

1.       To God discipline of children is an assumption.

2.       Constructive pain is an assumption of discipline.

3.       Practice self-discipline before you discipline your children.

If you spank,

1.       Achieve the goal of gentle self control BEFORE you spank.  If you are not in control, DON’T DO IT.  It would be better to let them get away with it than to spank the wrong way.

2.       Set a limit of licks BEFORE you give them, and let the licks be on their bottom only.

3.       Be sure you’ve given them a clear command and a clear warning before a spanking.

4.       After the spanking, hug them, forgive them, and forget it.  This models love and reconciliation.

If you don’t spank and do time outs:

1.       Achieve gentle self-control before the time out!  Some assume time outs are inherently gentle.  This is not necessarily the case because it will be a physical war in the beginning, A WAR YOU MUST WIN.  Remember, the goal is self-control, first your own, then their own.  In other words, you control them until they learn to control themselves.  THIS IS FOR THEIR OWN GOOD!  They must know that when you say, “Stop,” they must physically stop themselves, or you will physically stop them.  If your son is about to run into the street and get hit by a car, this command must be obeyed, or you must stop him yourself!  Their lives literally depend on your discipline.

2.       Be resolved to see it through.  When you start times outs, again, it will be a war.  Determine that no matter how long it takes, the boy will sit in the time out chair.  The girl will not get up until the time is up. 

3.       Be sure you’ve given a clear command and a clear warning before the time out.

4.       After the time out, hug them, forgive them, and forget it.

Which ever discipline you choose,  as the Bible says, it must not be “pleasant at the time, but painful, later on producing a harvest of righteousness and peace.”

You must first be self-disciplined before you discipline your children.

Your first goal is gentle self control.  You achieve this goal by your words.

Start with you.

Start now.

“BE QUIET!”