The High School Virgin Boy (A Short Story)

I walked to my next class, focused, determined not to look at the girls butt in front of me.  It's hard.  Her jeans are tight, and I'm very attracted to her.  But I want to wait for sex.  I need to wait.  I have to wait.  I've seen what not waiting did to my mom, my dad, my family.  So much divorce, so much unfaithfulness, so much loneliness.  I have to wait.  So I won't look.

"Come on man," Vincent said.  I didn't notice him beside me.  "I know what you're doing.  What's wrong with looking?  You can look man." About a week ago I was at Vincent's house.  "Hey, Donnie, check this out."  I went with Vincent to his room.  He put a tape in the VCR, and I saw it.  I wanted to vomit.  It was the first time I saw pornography.  Having never had sex, or seen a girl naked, what I saw made me nauseous.  It wasn't what I imagined sex would be like.  The closest I could imagine of course was how it felt to hug a girl, to feel her body very close to mine, the intense arousal.  As far as I knew, that was sex.  But I didn't want simulation or the real thing.  Vincent was convinced when he showed me the tape that I should indulge my desires.  He was convinced on our way to class that I should look at the girl's butt in front of me.

"Just look man.  There's nothing wrong with it.

Of course, in a sense, he was right.  I can't help that I'm a teen aged boy behind a teen aged girl with a nice butt.  I can't help that I like how she looks.  That I want her.  Maybe I should look.  I can't help what I am.  What am I?  A young man, wanting a young woman...wanting a wife...but she's not my wife...that's the issue.  I want to give myself to one woman, and one woman alone.  "Just look man..."  We're almost across the street.  (My school is in two buildings...I have to go from one to the other.)  I had at least a full sidewalk to just enjoy the girl, or I could speed up and walk ahead of her.  "Just look man." 

I sped up.  Vincent followed, of course.  (Why do some teen aged boys feel it their duty to harass other boys about their sexual decisions?)  "What's wrong with it?"  I realized that Vincent must need my approval or something.  I heard in his voice the tone of persuasion, but who was he trying to persuade?  I had made up my mind.  She was behind me.  I was going to wait to have sex...I was going to wait, even to look at a girls' body.